Archive | December 2012

Calendar available

Yesterday a lady from church told me that my work was a wonderful and asked if I was ever planning on doing anything with it or if it was still just a fun hobby. Well, if youlve been reading my posts you might know that I’ve been asking and struggling with that same kind of question myself.

But in response to that question, I decided I would create a calendar for 2013 after all. I wasn’t sure if I would, my grandparents sent me their own custom made calendar with pictures they took while in South Africa, so it wasn’t like I needed a calandar. Besides, I always hate spending money when there’s a new semester looming on the horizon. Within the next week or two, I’m going to have to be taking care of tuition, rent, books, living expenses, and travel fees. So… I may not buy this calendar for a while. But it is nice to have the calendar, because then at school when people find out I am an artist and want to see my work, I can just show them my calendar. It’s a quick and easy demonstration.

Besides, you never know, somebody might actually buy it. After all, somebody bought one of my calendars last year. That’s what baffled me, somebody bought my calendar in May. So their paying full price when they only have part of the year left.

The bottom line is, it can’t hurt to post it. It doesn’t cost anything to make it available. I’m not going to advertise or make a big deal out of it though. It doesn’t matter if anybody else wants it. I made it for me. Maybe that’s one of the things that would make me a terrible buisness person. Not only do I hate advertising or adding a price onto my work, but my goal is not ‘to give them what they want’ but to do what I want. For my calendar, I would choose the images I want there, and not the images that are ‘most popular’ or whatever.

Anyway, if you are interested you can check it out too. If you want a calandar, but with different images- look through my gallary, pick the ones you want, and leave a comment.

http://www.zazzle.com/everyday_2013-158655239444751175

I still don’t understand people.

Remember how I was talking about that water-colored-pencil image that I posted on Facebook, and I got a bigger reaction than I was expecting? Well, I added stuff, just like I promised and…. no reaction. Well, one ‘like.’ To me, the image seems so much more… complete, whether it’s a better image or not. I think that’s something.

 

But I had a fun time talking with my sister yesterday. We were talking about stories. And writing. And how I should write a story. I’ve been saying for a while now “I should write a story. But I don’t have a story.” The truth of the matter is, I have been dabbing into creative writing for the past four years, and more heavily in the past two, when I’ve had a laptop. I have entire documents full of things that I’ve started, of little bits and peices here and there, snatches of dialogues, wisps of ideas, descriptions of character. I’ve just never managed to have one, comeplete, continuous, story.

Lori says I should write one. I agree with her. I’ve been working on it. For the past two years. She thinks I just need to stick with something and see it through to the end. Easy for her to say. But I have been working on it, and I am doing better. I’ve come up with a few complete ideas, abiet very short, vague sort of ideas. I’ve mentioned a few on this blog I think. My goal is to, eventually, have a collection of short stories that I can bundle up for Lori to read. But it takes work, like anything does. Especially for me, since I’m not one of those people who seem to just… come up with these sorts of things.

But it will happen. One of these days, I will have a story or two. Even if they’re just retellings of old fairy tales. And that’s one of the things I’ve been doing for the past few days, working on my creative writing. I would get the drive now that I’m about to go to collage and have a lot less time. Oh well, I am happy to have something to work on. Hopefully this will keep up, and I’ll have something to do on Saturdays.

The day after Christmas

Naturally, the snow didn’t show up in time for the Siblings to have a snow day, nor did it show up on Christmas when Dad didn’t have to worry about driving in it, it came today.

I just remembered that I was going to tell you what my secret project was. It was a comic. A quick comic for my sister Jasmine to read, until the game she wanted for Christmas gets released and I can buy that for her. The idea was that since whe had been to collage together, there would be a lot of ‘inside jokes’ between us- so it would be a really special and unique comic. The problem was that the inside jokes didn’t last long. But I recovered and got through it anyway. She did laugh out loud on occassion, so I think we can count it a success. After all, that’s the main thing one wonders about when one makes these sorts of things, ‘is it funny?’

It was good to make a gift. It’s a lot funner than just buying it.

Oh, and in case you wanted to know what I got for Christmas, I got a puzzle game. And I’m not talking about your cheap, everyday puzzle game, I’m talking The Fool and His Money. I tried the demo my first year of collage. It was more stressful than any of my classes and probably more than all of them put together. This is a game that challenges the intellect. Also I got a gift card for amazon and for Barnes and Nobles.

All in all, it was a good day, With pizza to top it off. And I did, as I said, get to hear my brother’s voice.

So, about my art. I’m going to try to work on another old watercolor. The trick is going to be to convince myself to do it. Much easier said than done, now that there are all of these distractions. But I really would like to feel like my last bit of time here is well spent. I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something in the last five months.

Christmas

It’s the best day of the year, and still good even on the twentieth time around.

I have to say, I love the Christmases we have at home. Simple, not needlessly frivilous, and with hardly any of the stress that’s associated with this time of year. I don’t know if people realize that Christmas can be really great even if it’s kept small. I wonder if that sort of thing goes for weddings too. They sound so needlessly expensive. Heh, listen to me. Talking about things being frivilous and needlessly expensive. I’m also the person who didn’t have a graduation party or make my parents spend a lot of money on senior pictures. I like to think that my dislike for spending money will be a valuable asset in life. I wonder if there’s a guy out there who’s saying to himself right now, “You know what I need is a girl who dispenses with all the needlessly expensive frivalities that really have no substance.” Sometimes I wish people valued the sort of things I value a little more.

Boy, don’t I have a way of blogging on Christmas day. What can I say? I have a lot of thoughts going on upstairs and I’ve got to get them out somewhere.

We got a call from my brother today. I would say that it’s nice to hear his voice, only it was me who did most of the talking. So now I’m in one of those strange moods you get in when you hear your brother’s voice for the first time since Mother’s Day. It just feels wrong to be with the entire family minus one.

Furthermore I’m feeling myself getting… I don’t know. Loud. Or not loud so much as… I want myself to be heard. I keep making comments, trying to crack wise and all that. I think it’s just a supressed plea for attention slipping away from my subconcious. This in-between state; where I’m in between living with my parents and having a family of my own, can be a strange sometimes.

 

Maybe I won’t post this. Maybe I’ll do it for my own, personal relief. But I think what I really want is someone outside of family to talk to. I get like that sometimes. There’s not much I can do but put up with it and maybe write a rant in the meanwhile. It’s not like lonliness is that uncommon a trial amoungst us single young women. I’m determined to put up with it better than some of those young women do, however. Not that I know how most women do console themselves in the case of lonliness. But I figure I’ll do what I usually do; write about it and then try to forget the fact that nobody’s going to read it of I post in anyway. And after that moment of catharsis, I’ll be better. I will realize that in a bit over a week, I’ll be in Rexburg- with lots of friends.

I love being a student. But after readjusting to being back home, it’s harder to go back, you know? Last year it took me much longer to adjust to being home, so going back to school was easy. I was dying to go. This time I am more reluctant. But if I think about all the people I will see and the things I will accomplish… I should do well enough in going back.

What I want right now is for somebody to give me brownie points for something. Just somebody out there who recognises that I’m trying to do things right, and can point out where I am succeeding.

For the sake of ending on a positive note, I looked at the online photo gallary of the church’s most recent International Art Show. I loved it so much, it made me happy to be something of an artist.

 

 

I don’t understand people

I really don’t understand people. For instance, that watercolor-pencil I posted on Facebook yesterday got eight ‘likes’ and two comments. Honestly people, it isn’t all that brilliant. I have it posted below. See what I mean? I think it looks cool, but I also think it needs work. That’s why I scanned it in at this point- so that if I totally ruin it, at least it looks neat here.

Anyway, it’s the day before Christmas Eve. The hope is that the siblings aren’t driven crazy with anticipation. I just hope I can get something productive done. Some art for instance. I hate feeling like I’m being idle, and I don’t feel like that when I’m doing art. Developing your talents isn’t a waste of time. Who knows? Maybe I’ll actually be producing some good work in another twenty years or so.

 

Tradition

Without our tradition, our lives would be as shaky as…. as a Fiddler on the Roof!

Well, a couple or so years ago, my little brother sort of started a tradition of doing a Lord of the Rings marathon before Christmas. The idea is that while these days before Christmas have the longest nights of the year, they also seem to be in a sense the longest days of the year- because you are anxiously waiting one of the most wonderful holidays ever. The tendency is to get reeeeeeealy bored during these days. So, my little brother would usually plan a day to be his Lord of the Rings marathon. I pursuaded him not to do it on Christmas Eve. As much as I love Lord of the Rings (I didn’t at first, but it kind of grew on me), I would rather spend my Christmas Eve listening to Christmas music than reliving the battle at Helm’s Deep. And of course, there would be no time to do it on Sunday, what with church and all. That leaves today.

It is so strange to me that it is coming so soon. And then not too long afterwards it back to a completely different world, student life in Rexburg. I pray I will enjoy this year as much as I have the last two.

 

As far as art goes, today I took a few of my old watercolors and started layering colored pencil on them. It’s a cheap method to do some artwork when you don’t have any particular ideas that you want to work on. In general, I think my current project was improved by the colored pencil. But I’m going to have to start adding new stuff if I actually want it to be any good. I’m just scared I’ll ruin what I have. So I’ve done a preliminary scan, and I’ll continue to work on it later.

I continue to wonder what it is I’m going to do with this artwork. Despite the encouragement I’ve received from others, I don’t know if I ever really considered art for a career, or even a major in collage. I think the most thought I’ve given it is “at least I’d be able to work at home and be a stay-at-home-mom.” But I can’t help but feel that I ought to do something with it. It should be more than just a hobby. I’ve spent too much time on it for it to be just a hobby. I suspect I will find the answers in years to come. In the meanwhile, I just hope people enjoy looking at what I do.

What I did for the last… six hours or so

I don’t know quite how it happened, but from lunch until dinnertime I ended up reading aloud a comedy romance teen fiction novel to my entire family. I knew it to be funny, cute, and clean- and it sort of took place around Christmas, so I figured it would be good holiday reading material. In fact, it was Thanksgiving break, after I finished reading aloud another book by the same author, that we decided I would read aloud this book during Thanksgiving break.

So it was going to be me and two other sisters listening to me as I read in the living room. But we have kind of a small house, so when you read in the living room, a lot of people can hear pretty clearly (especially since I have a loud reading voice). That’s why I went to Mom’s room and asked if I should shut her door, in case she didn’t want to listen to it. But she told me to leave it open. Eventually she came out to the living room. Four hours into the venture, even my brother had joined to listen.

The really awkward moment was when Dad came home. Dad is usually in the living room when he gets home, entertaining himself or doing work- and Dad isn’t the sort of guy I would pick to read a teenage comedy romance book to. But everybody else was already well stationed in the living room and told me to continue.

So I did. I read the whole book. All I can say is- if laughter really is healthy for you, we might be able to ward off the flu for a while yet.

I guess it’s one of those strange, cool things that happens every once in a while. I certainly thought it was fun.

 

I still feel sorry for my dad for putting up with it (but I guess it’s okay, even he laughed a few times).

 

And there’s more good news, I finished with my secret project. All in all, not a bad day 🙂

Adults

Sometimes I have mixed feelings about the wisdom of adults. I mean, for the most part I think a great deal of adults are really very wise. Time can bring a lot of experience, and with experience learning. In my own life as I’ve felt myself grow and expand, like I’ve learned a lot and there is a lot I can share with others. But every once in a while, I think grown ups think too much of their own knowledge. Not often, but every once in a while.

Like when I think about those months just before I left for BYU-I. Grown-ups suddenly took an interest in me. That was an interesting feeling. For the longest time, I went about generally unnoticed. But as soon as senior year hits, you get everyone in the ward asking you what your plans are for the future. At the time I remember thinking, “Hey, I was an interesting person before now. Why didn’t you talk to me then? And can we move on to talk about something more exciting already?”

Maybe it wasn’t the right attitude to have at the time, but that sort of thing is always easier to see in retrospect. But I would talk about my plans for the future. Usually I was pretty vague, because I didn’t have much by the way of plans. But sometimes I would open up enough to be really honest and tell them what I wanted to do when I ‘grew up,’ “I want to get married and have kids.” I never failed to get the same reaction, “Yes that’s wonderful, but you need to have a back-up plan in case that doesn’t work, get an education and a degree.” Way to slam the door in a girl’s face. Of course it’s good advice, but I knew that already. And I did plan on getting an education. Naturally. But they had asked me what I wanted to do and what my plans were. Well, the only thing I know for sure that I want to do is get married and have kids. I didn’t know what I wanted my major to be or anything, so I told them what I did know. You would think I would get more… support for that particular goal in life. Nope, it was always a “Yes, but…”

I shouldn’t be bitter about it. I know that. But it’s nice to vent it out, you know?

Now typically I hate to be negative, but I just want to say that I really don’t think people are as wise as they think they are sometimes. Self included. I’m constantly looking back and laughing at myself for being so naive. I’d like to think I’m not the only one to do so. I’d also like to think that sometime in the future, I could look back on those ‘yes, but’ people and say, “See? I knew what I was doing.” Wish me luck.

The story is that Socrates discovered he was the wisest man because he knew how much he didn’t know, whereas the men who considered themselves wise at the time were all puffed up in what they knew- or thought they knew. I hope I can be more like Socrates in that respect, and  that good things will come from that sort of attitude. Surely it must make a difference somehow?

There is so much I don’t yet understand or do not know about the world. It frustrates me, really. I just like to think that one day I will have great wisdom, and that I can offer it in such a way that will not me a hypocrite.

I’ll get the hang of this someday.

 

 

Relief!

I made the phone call! Wow, and I consider that a success. Why can’t I have reasonable fears? Like, why can’t I be scared of snakes? That’s not nearly so inconvenient a fear as the fear of making phone calls. But it’s nice to have that off my mind.

Furthermore, I’m continuing to work on my project. And yes… some parts just seem a little stupid to me. But I am going to finish it and find sucess in that fact at least. I think there is much to be said for a project that is finished, even if it doesn’t look the best (not saying there aren’t projects that should be scrapped though). So this project will be finished. And if it turns out that the outside viewer thinks it’s cool too, that’s all the better. I really hope to do some good with this project, that’s kind of why I started it in the first place.

Sooo…. things are looking up from yesterday. I’m ready for another day of work and hopefully I will accomplish much.

Monday update

As things stand, I have a few things hovering over me. One is the final arrangement I need to make for my next year in University. It includes a phone call. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve really hated making phone calls. It’s like an irrational phobia. I’m better at it now, but I still avoid it when I can. There’s also an errand I’m going to have to run for the family tomorrow.

I’m working on my project. I didn’t do anything over the weekend while my grandparents were here. I don’t think I’ll want to do much when the Siblings are home from school, starting after they finish on Wednesday. So I’ve got a lot of work to do on it in the next three days, and I’m just hoping it turns out alright, that it does what it’s supposed to do. And sometimes it’s hard to tell while you’re in the middle of it. That’s one of those ‘risks’ they talk about when one pursues creative endeavors.

Sigh.

So basically, I’m at one of those moments where I can take a little vacation- say, a trip outside of time. Outside time where I can really be by myself, and I can talk to myself and then listen to Christmas music and pretend that I’m in the middle of the most peaceful time of year.

I have a pretty effective imagination. I might be less stressed if I took some time out from what I was doing and just pictured the perfect day. A couple of weeks ago when I couldn’t sleep, I pictured the perfect Christmas, like I would have done when I was a kid. It’s nice to engage in youthful flights of fantasies. I pictured the perfect Christmas gifts (tuition money, maybe a new car for the family), I thought of holiday treats, and who I would want to just drop by my doorstep and visit me for Christmas (I ended picking a couple of University buddies, since the ones I would really want on on their missions still). But the fact is, it’s easier to indulge one’s self in that kind of thing when you’re supposed to be sleeping. Meanwhile, I am currently avoiding working on my project. Guilty consciencess do wonders to destroy the delicate wings of imagination.