Archive | January 2013

My day off

My homework is not going to be as troublesome as I feared today. I’ve got my resume/interview stuff mostly taken care of, so just a few more tweaks and assignments and I should be good.

Also I watched Pirates of Penzance with my D&D friend. He said he enjoyed it. That’s good. I like it when people like things that I like. Especially weird things like Gilbert and Sulivan comedic operettas.

I have just been pondering on this blog. And other things, like my Goodreads account which I had to get for my Young Adult Literature class. Places like these, where I can write what I am thinking. It’s kinda nice to live in a world where I can let my opinion be heard. The problem is when you don’t want to hear other people’s opinions, but you get bombarded with them. That’s why this blog is nice. Nobody has to read about what I’m thinking. In fact, I don’t think anybody does.

But that’s okay. Just letting anybody who is reading this know that I’m doing alright. Not brilliant, but not terrible. Life is just… going on, you know? Although I did watch a musical yesterday that I hadn’t seen written by Steven Kapp Perry called Polly. I like watching new things. Schoolwork is going. I still want to come up with stories to write, and maybe one of these days I’ll set aside enough time to daydream something up (it requires a lot of time, because plots do not readily come to me).

If I have something more insightful or funny to say, I’ll post again.

And time

Well, what thoughts are going through my head this fine Sunday morning?

There’s the question of what I should do on this day of rest. I really don’t want to do religion homework at the moment, but seeing as there’s not going to be much time to do that once 2:00 hits. Then it’s church, dinner, fireside, and when all that is said and done… it’s getting closer to bedtime. Silly, silly way to arrange things.

If I had world enough, and time, what would I do? It’s fun to imagine this sort of thing, because I don’t have all the time in the world. I didn’t get as much homework done yesterday as I would have liked, so I’m going to have to do a lot tomorrow in order to prepare for Tuesday, and fit in watching Pirates of Penzance. But supposing I did have world enough and time. Right now I’m thinking about hunting down some more Gary D. Schmidt books. He wrote the book that I was talking about yesterday. Perhaps I would color. Or draw. I really wish I had some story to write. It’s like having an itch that you can’t scratch- I never seem to be able to write a finished story. I will one day though. A bunch of short stories.

If I had world enough and time… it’s fun to think about it because one day we might discover we have more of the world and time than we realize. Though time seems to slip away quicker with age. But if I had world enough and time… I might just wonder around campus to all of those wonderful little nooks. The bookstore. The gardens. I could go around visiting people. I might write a comic. A different one, since I didn’t bring my comic with me to collage. Starring the Fates, perhaps, or the Red Wings.

It is fun to imagine these sorts of things. I’m not sure reality and I have yet come up with an agreement.

I will try to discipline myself into getting ahead in my schoolwork when I have that opportunity. I really want to do well in school. Hopefully all will go well for me this year. As for all of you who have the day off tomorrow… think of me fondly as I try to edit my resume and annotated bibliography and get all else done that I need to get done.

Day one of a three day weekend

Well, we have a three day weekend. First day, I’m doing homework. And I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m going to do for the rest of the weekend as well.

At least on Monday I had planned to watch Pirates of Penzance with a friend. That will be something that isn’t schoolwork.

It’s not that I mind the homework. Some of it is kind of fun (like reading an article in a scholarly journal about fanfic). It’s just… the thought that I have a three-day weekend, and that I’m going to be spending most of it doing homework… makes me wonder what my two-day weekends will be like in the near future.

At least Jasmine should be getting a new laptop soon. That ought to make it a little bit easier to get my work done. Hopefully.

I finished my good book today. Wonderful. But it had to end, I suppose. All good books do. It’s like that Robert Frost poem. “Nothing gold can stay.” I memorized that poem last year. I actually made a little tune to go with it. It was fun. I could envision myself singing it to my kids (you know, one day when I will have kids). Something they wouldn’t be able to hear from anywhere else, because I made it up myself. And I’d be exposing them to classical poetry at a young age and they wouldn’t even know it. Besides, it’s a good poem. Worth remembering.

Wish me luck.

Wish me luck because Tuesday is the busiest day of my week, and I made it busier by scheduling a resume review (the resume assignment requires that I have it reviewed by someone from the ADC. Uuulgh).

I’m not being overwhelmed by my schoolwork just yet. I just… want to make sure I put my voice out here. So that people can still hear me while I sort through various assignments.

Go memorize a poem. Try Robert Frost.

Books- lies that reveal truth

I think last night I thanked God in every different way that I could think of for good books. I thanked God for good books, for people who wrote good books, for people who published good books, for the good books that I’ve read, for the good books I haven’t read, and for the good books that I won’t read, for people who wrote good books that weren’t published, that I was born in a time where there were many good books, that I was born into a family that introduced me to many good books…

And the list went on.

Because I’m reading a good book right now.

Oh, not my favorite by far. But it did remind me of times where I have just loved reading and books. The trick is, of course, to find the good book. I’m sure there are many in the world- the trick is finding them in the midst of all the books that aren’t good. But thankfully, I am taking a Young Adult Literature class. And already I have read some good books.

There are no words to describe it, are there? I mean, it’s such a simple little thing- a book, a painting, a movie, a song… but they just do things to you, you know? Words fall short. They are only symbol’s anyway. You can say all the inspiring words you want about books, but those who don’t already get it, won’t. Those kinds of famous quotes exist for people who do get it, but don’t have enough mastery of words to convey it.

 

Sigh.

Here I am, waxing philosophical, and I just wish people cared enough to pay attention to me when I write things like this. Facebook is more of a facade. If people really cared about what was going on, I think they’d do more than ‘like’ my statuses. They’d read posts like this.

See, there are some good books out there that connect you to the world better than Facebook does. I think it was Picasso that said art was lies that revealed truth. Literature is the same way. Lies that reveal truth. Whereas Facebook is a facade.

 

News of the miscellaneous

This is the problem with social media; when you have both Facebook and a blog, and you put similar things in both- but use each for a different purpose. I mean, I write both in Facebook and this blog things I want to share with people. For my blog I will get a little more in depth with what I want to say. However, nobody really reads my blog- so if I actually want a chance for feedback I put it on Facebook- which forces me to be brief. Sometimes I’ll have things of Facebook that I also want on my blog.

Like this: We had a short lecture on the history of romance novels in my Young Adult Literature class 🙂 so much fun. And so validating to hear things voiced which I’ve known all along (i.e. lust does not equal love, stalking someone is a strange way to portray a healthy relationship, being hot doesn’t redeem a guy from being a jerk, etc.)

Additionally, there’s emails and Facebook messaging. Those are personal- maybe I want a specific person to read it (my sister, in this case). But maybe I want to share it as well on my blog post- it doesn’t matter if other people see it so long as the specific person does.

Like today when I was talking about writing. I have in my mind created a mythology loosely based off of the Greek Gods. I just like personifications of natural phenomena. I call them Fates, because they like to think they have a role in the destiny’s of mortals. One of the one’s I created was based off of cupid. Her name is Matchgirl, apprentice to the current Matchmaker. Obviously, these are the Fates that make sure you meet the person you are going to marry, and sort of guide you along the way; arrange coincidental meetings, open up certain topics of conversation, make sure you’re in the right time and the right place, that sort of thing.

Well, yesterday I was writing about how Matchgirl’s first solo assignment (without the guidence of Matchmaker) was to bring together the houses of the Capulet and Montegue through marriage. Those of you who know your Shakespeare know this doesn’t end very well.

Here’s the thing, I don’t really think that Romeo and Juliet loved each other. It’s like what I said before about lust not being love. I think that Romeo and Juliet is a significant story- but not because they really loved each other. Were it not for the feuding families, maybe Romeo would have courted Juliet openly, instead of feeling the need to marry secretly. Then, given time, maybe Juliet will realize Romeo has commitment issues and would dump him just like Rosaline did. Maybe Romeo would have realized Juliet needed to grow up a little bit and moved on with his life. But they didn’t really have the luxury to try it out and then realize they weren’t right for each other.

I guess what I’m saying is… the feud between the families ruined the relationship before Romeo and Juliet had a chance to end it? Maybe that isn’t right. Maybe that isn’t a very ‘literary’ analysis of what was really going on, but it’s what I get out of the whole Romeo and Juliet relationship. I really still think that the story of Romeo and Juliet is more about the feud between the families than it is about ‘true love,’ because it isn’t love- it’s lust. The feuding families is a far more valid theme, in my mind.

Hello again

I wish I had more to say. Truth is, I wasn’t feeling well today. So… yeah, I rested. Luckily, I felt good enough when class came around to go to that. I think I owe it all to the five minute nap I took before going. But now classes are done, I have no more homework due any time soon. So what do I do? Rest some more? Goody.

Also I did more with fiances. I hate working with finances. The only good thing is having that assurance that you will be able to take care of everything. That’s a good feeling. I’m not an extravagant person, you know? Every once in a while I think it would feel great to… spend some more. Not be such a pinch-penny. Actually buy something nice for myself every once in a while. Like a straightener or a pizza, some new jeans, or something at the bookstore. I make it a point never to bring money to the bookstore unless there is something specific I want to buy. Otherwise, I’d be too tempted.

And what with the fact that I’ve finished watching Merlin, I’m faced with an upcoming three-day weekend and not sure what to do with it. Aside from homework, that is. Ah homework. Good stuff, when you actually care about what you’re learning. And I do. I don’t know if I exactly love any of my particular classes this semester, but they are good classes and I’m not completely averse to them.

Oh yeah, remember that story I was writing earlier? Yeah… I stopped writing it. Maybe I’ll go back to it one day, like a backburner project. I just… I wish I could come up with something more original. So… the talent of creative writing still evades me. Despite all that I have written! All the little snatches of ideas that come into my head!

Do I sound like I’m whining? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. I’m just wondering what to do at the moment. I wish you well, whoever you are who as actually taken the time to read this. I feel drawn to thank you for reading about me. It’s nice of you to sacrifice your time listening to the tale of just another collage student.

I try to do things right, you know? But I don’t always feel I am succeeding.

My thoughts of late

There’s a reason I didn’t write a post yesterday- and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. It was because the power was out for half the morning, and the internet was down until late afternoon. I decided that day that I was glad I did so much homework over the weekend. I would not have been a happy camper if I felt eminent due dates looming over me while I was without the internet.

I’ve also been doing some reflecting lately. I wish there was a way for me to help others. You know, it feels weird when people open up themselves to you and tell you their problems. This has happened to me a few times- especially as I’ve gone to collage and have to deal with people more. And when you talk with someone enough… get past the small-talk and conversation with no substance… and some people will open up.

This happened to me recently.

And it was an interesting moment of clarity. Those of you who have actually been keeping up with me (namely… nobody except maybe Mom at best) will know that I’ve always wanted to have… a confidant. Somebody to tell my problems to. And so in that moment I realized I was performing a function that I had always wanted to be done to me.

Except that I was probably a bit more useless. Those few times when have opened up… I feel for them deeply, and I wish I could help. But usually I don’t know how. It can be hard when you care about people, but don’t know how to solve people problems. And I have to admit, people problems is not one of my strong points. I wish I could help. I wish I had answers for them. I wish there was some wisdom or encouragement that I could dispense upon them.

But I don’t have any of that.

What does one do? How does one get to be the kind of person who can help other people. How can I get to that point, despite currently being as I currently am; introverted, reserved, and not the best at reading people or picking up social cues? What could is all of our knowledge, wisdom, and experience if it’s not being used to help people?

I mentioned before that I had to do some career exploration. But… for me… I keep finding things I want to do in my life, but not as a career. I want to teach, to be someone who helps others learn and understand things…. but I don’t want to be a teacher. I want to be the sort of person who can advise my friends and family members when they need help… but I don’t want to be an advisor or councilor or anything. I want to be good at art, but I don’t know if I want to be an artist.

Sigh. It’s just been one of those times where I feel like even though I’ve learned so much (and I feel I’ve learned a lot in my lifetime), I still have so far to go it isn’t even funny. I think it’s one of the hazards of being a young adult.

Concluding Yesterday

I spent most of my time yesterday doing that assignment I mentioned. It probably wasn’t even meant to take so long, but this is not an area I excel at. I’m glad I had the assignment, because it is out of my comfort zone. So now I can feel accomplished. Sort of. And it was fun to rant about it yesterday.

You know, I would blog a lot less if it weren’t for a) my very active mind, b) time I didn’t know what to do with, and c) the fact that I don’t have a lot of people to talk with about this sort of thing. I like talking. And while I like blogging, I think I would prefer to discuss rather than blog any day.

But anyway, back to feeling accomplished. I’m going to my professor’s office tomorrow, to see if I did everything okay. Assuming everything is okay, that means I have all my homework done for my Monday and Tuesday classes. Wheeeee!

Now, I know some things are more important than school. I should come up with other things to do on my weekends. I should try to get out and socialize, make friends, visit, all that good stuff. Or maybe get involved with something on campus. Except I already looked into a few of those things. Not many of them really fit in with my abilities/interests. I did think I would do one thing, but it didn’t fit in with my schedule. Still, I ought to come up with something. Especially since I believe next weekend is a three-day weekend. All that time… I have to use it well.

I need to use my time well today. But my church is silly and goes from two to five o’clock. After I get back from church, I have to make dinner and then I think there is a fireside. So…. not a lot of time once 2:00 hits. But all my friends are in a neighboring Ward, and their church gets out just about when mine starts. Social possibilities for this day seem to be dwindling. Right now all I can think of to do today is my Religion Homework (which I don’t think I’d feel guilty doing on Sunday. It’s scripture study). Especially since we’re supposed to do two hours of homework outside of class for every hour in. This means I have to do four hours of Religion homework per week. That’s half an hour every day, except for one day which would be a full hour. I can’t think of a more appropriate day than today.

Yesterday I took a walk during one of my breaks from homework and went to the BYU-I bookstore. It’s wonderful being there, you know? I have to make a point of not bringing any money, or else I’ll be far too tempted to spend it. Ah bookstores, they’re really good for relieving stress, you know? It’s good to know what sorts of things relieve stress.

Career exploration

I am currently working on my internship/career/resume assignment. So far it is, as I suspected, not as bad as it seems in my mind. Still, I intend to take benchmark breaks, and this is one of them. So far the most interesting career I’ve found after taking the assessments and whatnot, is a Recreational Worker.

Career exploration is one of those things that is out of my comfort zone. It just doesn’t seem right, you know? I want to be a stay-at-home Mom, that seems right. Now, I don’t think I’d mind too much doing something on the side, like doing volunteer work (if I ever found out how to go about it) or having a small occupation- but first and foremost I want to be a stay-at-home Mom. All the things I’m learning in school, my hope is that they will help me with that.

And they should. They’ve been informative, useful classes. I trust that in time they will serve a practical purpose. I’m something of a pragmatist. (See? Philosophy class has already been useful- that’s where I learned about pragmatist).

You know, I almost find it funny in a bitter sort of way when people think they have a good idea of what I’ll be in the future when really they have no clue. I respect these people, but sometimes they don’t know me enough. Like the one who thought I would go into Chemistry. She had a good reason to believe this. I took Chemistry I and II in High School and enjoyed it. Most people don’t see a person who takes Chem II become a Humanities Major (you should have seen the look on my Chemistry teacher’s face when I told him). But it was kind of funny hearing her list of possible things people could do with Chemistry, like be a pharmacist, when I’m sitting there already sure I wasn’t going to take another chemistry class in my life.

Or the people who talk about me writing Children’s Books. I’m not saying it couldn’t or won’t happen- but I don’t like it being assumed of me that I can. It had never been a goal of mine, you see. And it was a breath of fresh air when my D&D friend said he didn’t think it was my style. He didn’t come up with anything that he thought I would do either. I think he knows he doesn’t know me well enough to make that call.

The ones who do know me well, like my brother, seem to have no problem with me being a stay-at-home Mom. Though I suspect my brother also thinks there is a possibility of me finding some way to make a small amount of money on the side.

It could happen. I don’t know. I’ll certainly see what I can do. In fact, I think it would be nice if I did find something. I would like to use my talents in some capacity or another, and who’s to say I can’t?

End of the week

Well, that’s it for my first week of school (aside from the homework I’m doing today and tomorrow). I like it better when school starts on a Wednesday. Then you have half a week before you start really getting down into it. The weekend feels like a celebration because you got past the settling in days, and the days when nothing’s really happening in class yet. Then you have a weekend to go ‘Ah, the beginning is over,’ and then you can get down into the year. Now, it feels like we missed the celebration and we’re already getting down into the work.

I’m trying to ignore the fact that I have to write a resume for my Humanities class. Ideas of what I could put on it kinda came to me before I went to sleep- you know, that golden hour of freethinking and sometimes important ideas just come to you. But I’m still not looking forward to it. Which is why I’m reserving my Saturday for it. I should have no other homework, except religeon, so I can really focus in on it. I like doing the stress-inducing assignments that way. Just have a day in the weekend where you set aside a few hours to do it (oh, there’s more to it than a resume- I won’t get into it though) and then make sure you have something fun to do afterwards.

We’re going to try to make a library visit before grocery shopping.

I think we’ll manage to troop through the school year. I’m hoping there will be some nice highlights though. They’re performing The Tempest. That’s pretty exciting, because Jasmine’s read it and I’m going to read it (the Humanities professor figured that since it was being performed…). So we’ll get to see a Shakespeare performance. I’ve done that once before, I think it was at Wright State, a performance of Much Ado About Nothing. I really enjoyed it.

So… yeah. I’m surviving pretty well.