I was feeling a little down yesterday. Lonely. It’s such an annoying emotion, and you would have thought I’d be fairly used to it by now.
I distracted my mind by thinking of what would be ‘the perfect birthday’ for me. I used to do this a lot as a kid, I would think of what would be ‘the perfect Christmas.’ One doesn’t do it as much growing up. But then, when you’re a kid there is a part of your mind that still believes it is possible, like this day could really happen. Adults have lost that. In fact, as I was thinking up my perfect birthday, I wondered if it was… too self indulgent, if it was wrong for me to focus so much on myself and what would make me happy. I still wonder at it. But whether it was too self indulgent or otherwise, it did seem to alleviate some of the burden, at least for a while.
My perfect birthday would start with a big, homemade breakfast. Waffles perhaps, or chocolate chip pancakes. Or pancakes with eggs and bacon. And orange juice to go along with it. Then we would go to the library, and from thence to a park or nature walk. There we would explore and have a picnic lunch. When we get home, I would be able to read the comic books I got out of the library (or some other light, fun, quick read). Then in the late afternoon, we would go to the movie theatre and watch a movie. When we get home it would be homemade pizza and a birthday dessert, maybe white cake with whipped cream and strawberries. Or a chocolate cake with a kind of whipped frosting (not the kind that’s too sugary). And then for presents… it would be lovely to get a new Phoneix Wright game, some art supplies, and maybe a movie.
That’s what I came up with. And it did help, honestly. I mean, I can’t imagine why it would. You would think that dreaming about something you’re not likely to have would leave you feeling disappointed, but no. I was glad to indulge in the exercise. What I had in mind wasn’t too far-fetched anyway, was it? I just took some of my favorite occurrences throughout the year (going to the movies, nature walk, library) and combined them all into one day.
I have to say though, in the end what helped me the most was calling an old friend, my D&D friend. It’s so wonderful to talk to someone many hundreds of miles away, and hear his voice like he was visiting me again. And then taking a nap was also good (I could feel myself struggling to keep the sleep at bay).
All is well again. Except now I have a lot of schoolwork I need to attend to.