Now that it’s about over… I still feel it

I know I’ve been going on about school a lot lately, but it’s hard to help. I had to have a really focused mindset in order to get everything done and done well. My fear, now that’ it’s essentially over, is that it wasn’t enough for one of my classes. I still don’t know half of my grade for Brit lit, because that’s based on my final assignment and test. I’m boarder-lining, and I’m scared to think that all of my hard work throughout the semester…

Oh wait, maybe I should clarify that I’m bordering an A, not bordering a pass or fail grade.

Sometimes I think I need to let go of this ‘straight A’ mindset. But it’s important to me, in large part because that’s how I get scholarships. But I also really care about doing well.

I finished my test, I just need to review my final assignment, so there’s not much left. The semester is almost over for me. I should feel… relieved, but instead I just feel tired like I always am, and a little more stressed than usual, because I don’t think I did very well on that test.

I give so much of myself to school. Sometimes I wonder if it’s wrong to invest myself so much in it.  That’s a dynamic I’ve wondered about since high school. But the thing is, high school never cost this much. There were also fewer alternative things to be doing with my time.

I don’t know. I just wish I had someone to tell me that it doesn’t matter, and I don’t have to worry any more. It’s almost my vacation, I can stop thinking about how much sleep I’ve lost and how much time and energy I’ve sacrificed. *Sigh* I love adult life. I wish I had more energy for it.

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