Trouble

I admit I’ve been having difficulty of late. I get these bouts of discouragement and depression. It’s not as bad as it sounds, but it’s been making it hard for me to work today. You may recall that this past year in school was a little rough for me. That’s fine, the only problem is that it still stresses me out, even though I’m home now. I don’t know what to do about it, I don’t even know why I’m still being bothered by it. I’ve approached these problems in my mind so many times, I’ve worked them out through writing, I’ve done it again and again, so I can’t figure out why I haven’t moved past all of it yet. Is this normal?

When I get into these moods, it’s hard to get anything done. It’s kind of disabling. I know I want to do artwork, but getting started on it has been a challenge. This is incredibly frustrating to me, a firm believer in the power of positive thinking and optimism to get work done. I’ve always thought myself a person who could handle stress, one who could get past it and get work done despite setbacks. I think I could handle this too, if only I knew what the problem was– why I’m still letting myself get bothered by things that are over and done. I can’t imagine what I’m doing wrong.

But maybe I’ll take some time to talk about my next image. I’m doing a Wisp picture. Wisp is… I guess you could call her a wind elemental. I really love the wind, so I created an entity who embodied that. She’s great to do artwork for, because the way I tend to depict her includes a lot of color blending, which I consider to be one of my strengths as far as technique goes. In the past I’ve often depicted her as a gentle breeze. This time, she’s more of a torrent. Well actually, just a little stormy wind. I have a hard time drawing anyone with enough ire in their face to really justify being a torrent. It’s pleasant to work on, because it uses a lot of my favorite color, blue. I think the color palette is beautiful. I just hope it still looks good by the time all is finished.

I started on the concept art after I finished The Pool of Sight (which I discussed two posts ago). It was after that image that I felt some of that discouragement, because it wasn’t as wonderful as I had wanted it to be. But I wanted to keep going, I couldn’t stop. I decided to draw Wisp because she’s reliable. It’s hard to go wrong with Wisp. I wanted her to bring in a new wave of beautiful artwork, artwork that I could be really happy with. It’s just been a bumpy start, because of the discouragement, but I suspect I’ll be alright and able to work tomorrow. I still believe there could be a bit of magic this October. It’s not over yet.

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