I slept a lot yesterday. I wonder why I’m so tired, it’s not like I’m doing anything strenuous. Not even mentally. Although I did actually write a script for a skit for my youngest sister and I to perform for the family. Just a little comedy sketch. But I have to say, it seemed a lot longer when I wrote it than when I recited it for her. So last night she asked me to make it longer. Which is like going back to a painting after you’ve turned it in for a grade- you don’t want to do it. But I’ll see if I can come up with something.
I’ve been doodling a bit as well, trying to cook up some ideas. Once again I ask myself what good any of this is supposed to do. I’ve been told to develop my talents, and sometimes I just want to know ‘why’ and if it’s worth investing my time in art. This would generally be the sort of thing I would talk to my brother about. He has this ability to be encouraging without empty flattery or inspiring words without meaning. He’s a good mentor for sensible people who are also dreamers. But, face-to-face conversation is not exactly an option.
Meanwhile, time is slipping by. It goes by much faster than I like these days. Even while I’m at school, time just seems to pick up. Ah well.
Truth be told, part of the reason why I’ve been having a hard time with my artwork is because I’ve been getting down on myself about it. Today has so far been extra bad because of a comment made during seminary about extracurricular activities that people ultimately don’t continue after high school, or don’t make a career out of, like maybe playing trombone in a band.
Being as I am rather sensitive and of a delicate emotional constitution, I’ve been down on myself about my artwork ever since. It’s really really hard to keep yourself going with this sort of thing when it seems like nobody else cares. After all, it’s not like this is easy. Which is why I have to admire writers/artists/musicians and the like.
So even though I have an idea for my next image… I’m having such a hard time wanting to do it right now. Especially considering the way I came up with this idea. Basically, I started an image based off of a doodle. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I decided to go for it anyway. It looked okay, then I started coloring. As I added color, I suddenly got a better idea about what I was doing. But as when I discovered the look I was really going for…. it was too late, I had used the wrong colors earlier. Now I have to start over and draw it again. Which is difficult, because it’s so hard to redraw something you already got really good once.
So…. I really, really, really don’t want to work on art right now, and yet a I don’t want to work on anything else either. I want somebody to care about my artwork, so that I can care about it more too.