Because somebody reminded me

Well… Hi. It’s been a while.

First of all, I’d like to say that I’m really happy today. Wonderful things have been happening lately, but those details are for my private journal.

 

So, it was brought to my attention that I’ve done some artwork I haven’t yet shared. I figured I better repent of that.

 

Entitled: Forever

This is an artwork I did on the occasion of my cousin’s wedding. She asked me to do something for her, so she could have it made into a puzzle. The idea was that instead of a guest book, she would have people sign the back of a puzzle piece (she’s so creative). She gave me a rough idea of what she wanted: A couple, a starry/planetary sky, a tree of life, and an iron rod (those of you who are familiar with The Book of Mormon will appreciate these last two items). I didn’t make the tree very Tree of Life-like. Trees are hard enough without pure white fruit included. Still, I thought it worked.

 

Tima's Forever

 

Entitled: Finding Place

This was a project I took on for myself. My friends Laura and Adin are expecting a baby. I had vaguely thought it would be great if they had a girl, because my artwork is rather feminine and good for little girls (who don’t see the weaknesses of the art as much as I do). Then I learned they were going to have a boy, so I thought I’d try to create something a little more appropriate for a little boy.

I don’t quite know how this image came about. I think somewhere in my mind was Calvin and Hobbes– the idea of a boy in a woodsy area. I tried doodling a few things. Eventually I incorporated reading, as both Laura and Adin enjoy reading. As for the tree-face… I think I’ve wanted to do something like that for a long time. Something like Treebeard meets The Great Deku Tree. He was older and crustier in my imagination, but he’s alright here. He’s a good tree.

I didn’t intend for the boy to wear a hat, but that ended up happening. Probably in memory of Adin giving me a similar looking hat. The dog is there because the image looked unbalanced, and that was the easiest way for me to fix it.

 

finding place

 

Okay, I’m thinking that’ll be it for now. I will say that it’s nice to have been able to do some artwork lately. I’m not sure what the next project will be. Again, sorry I’ve been gone a while.

Life is still lovely.

Hello again!

I suppose this post is a bit overdue. Things have been happening.

 

First of all, I have a job now. That means I can be independent. I’m profoundly grateful for this.

Secondly, one of my short stories, “Cold Hot Chocolate,”  is going to be published in the school literary journal, OutletThe issue will be released in December.

 

It’s so strange that life is happening like this. I wish I understood why things are going so well.

 

I’ll have more art to post soon.

New Image: Monarch Gown

I almost forgot to post here. It’s been so long since I’ve done artwork, and I was more concerned with getting it on Facebook, where more people actually see it.

 

 

 

 

When I made created “Masquerade” I said that I wanted to depict costumes with significance and symbolism. Some time later, I realized that one of my characters would wear a butterfly themed dress– since butterflies symbolize transformation. The monarch butterfly is particularly visually striking and recognizable.

 

The hard copy looks better. I don’t have a scanner, only a camera.

 

It’s been a long time since I’ve done artwork. I don’t know what suddenly made me turn to it again. It could be the fact that I recently received commendation for my artwork.

 

Oh, and as far as life goes– still no job, but other than that, life is great.

Last Weekend

Still no job, though I have a few leads.

 

This weekend was significant. I attended a conference called Power of Choice with Outlook Development. It was a good experience. I met new friends and I feel like I can change things in my life with the tools I was given. Some I felt I already had a sense of and was implementing in my life, but others were new and helpful.

 

I realize for instance that I like writing, but my passion dies at the revision stage. Then I never share my work, because I think my work should be good before I share it. When I don’t share my work, I don’t feel unfulfilled with my writing. So what I’m going to do is to create a literary journal containing twelve short stories and assorted fiction fragments that I’ve written. I already have drafts of a few stories, so I’m on my way. Once I compile them, I’ll share them. If people suggest revisions, then I might be more likely to enjoy the revision process than if I was making myself try to find them. If not, the goal was not publication. I just want my work to be enjoyed. If they have no critiques, they probably enjoyed it.

Post-grad plans revised

Well, I didn’t get invited to receive training to be a seminary teacher.

 

So what now?

I explore, I suppose.

 

I’m going to find work wherever I can. I hope that I can set other goals too. Like, be more sociable and see what’s going on in the community and being involved with that. Just get out there so I can be exposed to different people and opportunities.

 

I’m grateful that I’ll see my grandparents and friends soon and that I live nearby my sisters. It’s also nice that I live close to campus, so I can pick up my portfolio from my creative writing teacher when he’s done grading them, and I can see campus performances.

 

Wish me luck.

Post-graduation life

So, you might be wondering what my plans are.

 

I’m kinda wondering what my plans are too.

 

I have some idea. I have housing and enough savings to keep me in Rexburg for a few months, even if I don’t find a job. But I intend to find a job, of course. There is still the possibility that I’ll be invited to do student teaching for Seminary. If that does’t work out, I’ll just find something else. I hope to do some creative writing in my free time. Tomorrow I’m going to submit three short stories to my school’s literary journal. This is my last chance to submit undergrad work– probably the only real chance I have to get published for a while.

 

As far as personal projects– I don’t know how much time or energy I’ll have for them, but I do have an idea for an artwork that I can do. Also, even if I don’t publish anything, I have this goal to write a collection of short stories for myself, which I can design and arrange and print out for myself. If those things start to bore me, I might move on to making more podcasts.

 

What else… um.

 

I guess… That’s mostly it now. I can’t see very far ahead. I’m not sure what I want for my future. I want to do good things though. I want to create good things. To what end, I’m not sure.

Nearing Graduation

So… it’s been a while.

The biggest stress hasn’t been the schoolwork, but figuring out what I’m going to do after I graduate. It’s been hard coming up with solid plans. I have recently had some comfort in deciding that going home was going to be my final option, and I have enough money saved up that even if I don’t have a job guaranteed by the end of the semester, I can still stick around and look for a job. Something’s bound to come along. If not, I’ll just burn through my money as slowly as I can and go home when I can’t stay any longer. I’ve finally decided I’m willing to risk that to have a chance at becoming independent and move out of the house.

The unknown still scares me.

 

I’m beginning to feel that in so many areas I am above average but not exceptional. My art is good. It should be; I put a lot of time into art. But what I produce isn’t really worth money. I’m beginning to think the same of my teaching. My writing too. I’m still going to submit to Outlet. I promised myself I’d do that, and I have nothing to lose by it. However, I think I’ll feel better if I stopped thinking about my writing so much in terms of publication anymore and make it a hobby again. I’ll continue to write (and draw) for the rest of my life. For now, that writing’s going to be for myself and maybe friends and family. Future kids, maybe.

I’m content with that decision, but I know at some point I’m going to wish for a kind of greatness. I want to be great. Is that wrong? It certainly isn’t restful, but I suppose I didn’t sign up for restful. When is it ever enough?

 

I love life, by the way. In my studies I get to see some of the best and worst of humanity– through study and fiction. It fascinates me. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough. I want so badly to take that learning and my own thoughts and experiences and do something significant and worthwhile, something great.

 

I guess I’m just a youth with starry eyes, but I hope some good will come of that.

Another creator

I like giving some time, thought, and appreciation to some of the creators and creations that I really admire or enjoy: Calvin and Hobbes, The Piano Guys, Graeme Base, Sherlock, Terry Prattchet, Lindsey Stirling, and so on. I’ve come across another creator I at least admire: Neil Gaiman.

 

Now, it must be said, the stuff he enjoys creating is not what I enjoy intaking. Much of what he does is dark, and I’m not partial to dark or horror stuff. That said, I like the movie Coraline (I can’t imagine why, it’s not in my usual vein) and the movie Stardust (but I had to warm up to it; it was a little much in solitude, but I enjoyed it in company). I warmed up to Mirrormask too.

 

I’m not sure, however, that it is because of his works that I admire him. Maybe it’s because he’s genuine in what he does. There’s something very him about his work, and that’s why he’s able to produce work that stands out. He must have spent a long time developing that mind and what goes on in it. Perhaps I admire him because he’s been able to live his dream and he’s dedicated to creating good art. That takes courage and handwork. I’ve gotten the impression (albeit from other sources) that he is a humble man too, despite all his success. “Impostor syndrome,” was it?

 

I like to think of other creators, partly because I feel they must empathize with some of the difficulties I face as a creator. They know how scary it is, how much work it is. They know what it’s like to have their work rejected and critiqued and ridiculed. Poor darlings. I believe that is why they can be so encouraging, instead of putting themselves up above everyone else because of their honors and awards and suchlike. It’s nice to think that somebody believes.

 

It’d be cool if some qualified individual believed in me, because sometimes believing in myself takes effort and I’m tired.

Follow-up on the Goal

So… workshopping your story is like ripping out part of your soul and handing it to someone else, then trying not to bleed too much while they critique it. Poor little story.

 

Because I care about my story and because I want my story to be good, I’ve taken in to the Writing Center twice, Writer’s Workshop once, I’ve had two people from class workshop it, and I’ve been to my Creative Writing teacher three times. Every time I go, he finds something new that needs work. That’s good. I wish the other resources were as helpful as him (I feel bad going to him so much, since he’s only one person and has an entire class of people to help out). Still, it gets hard, and sometimes it feels like the story will never be good enough.

 

I just want people to like it.

 

It was due for class yesterday. We turn in three stories during the semester. Once I get this one back, I’ll see what fixes I should have made to get a better grade, then I’ll workshop it with a good friend of mine when she comes to visit, and eventually I’ll submit it to the school’s literary journal, Outlet.

 

I know it seems strange that I’m going to submit something after my experience last year. I hated submitting my work. I didn’t think I should submit anything unless I truly that it was worthy of being published, which I didn’t. This time will be better because: a) I like my story better, b) I recognize this will be my last opportunity to submit undergrad work, c) I’ve already gotten a rejection letter before, so it won’t be a new experience.

 

Besides, I’ve got to work toward something. I need to have some sort of ambition, or I won’t get anywhere. I still don’t know what’s going to become of me when I graduate in April. Publishing is not the goal so much as feeling worthy and having the courage to submit the thing. That’s no small thing. It’s hard to have courage when the story never seems to get done, only closer.

 

If I were to get what I want, really get what I want, I’d be able to share the story with others and they would laugh, meditate, find understanding and clarity in the story, and ultimately end on a high note, feeling better about life. A lot of short stories I’ve read end on a low note, which I think is rather mean. I know there are disappointments in life, but I think there are more happy endings than we really believe. At any rate, I want my readers to enjoy the story. Laugh and meditate. That’s going to be the goal.

 

I’ll give you more updates on the story later. It’s called “Cracked.”