Tag Archive | talents

“I wish I could draw as good as you” syndrome

One of the common reactions I get when people see my artwork is, “I wish I could draw as good as you.” It’s deeply irritating to somebody like me to hear this, because to me it sounds like what they’re really  saying is “I wish there was a way for me to draw as good as you without spending as much time and energy to get as good as you are.” Yeah, wouldn’t that be great. It would kind of be great for me as well, but the fact is that I couldn’t figure out a way to get could without spending the time and energy, so that’s what I did. After all, it’s not as if I was born with this talent, it came with blood, sweat, and tears. That’s all I had.

But I don’t want to completely disregard the idea that innate ability or natural talent exists. After all, Mozart started composing when he was four. If somebody wanted their child to become as good as Mozart was at the age of four, time, energy, and practice wouldn’t be enough. However, I would submit that while there are people like Mozart, and those with natural ability to a far lesser extent, most of skill comes with a lot of time and energy.

I personally like the idea. This is because I don’t think I have a lot of natural ability when it comes to writing or coming up with stories. But I love stories so much, that I’ve been dabbing into creative writing for a long time now. I figure, if I just keep working on it, surely something must come of it. Surely I’ll be able to create a story eventually. Because work yields fruit. It worked with artwork, why not creative writing?

It’s agonizing though. It’s agonizing how slow developing creative talents is, how draining it can be. Right now, I’m trying to create a story. And I’m doing it by rewriting something I’ve already gotten considerably far on. It’s so sad, taking apart all those hours of labor and starting up again. What gets me is how long it’s taking me to get where I am now, and that’s even when I’m off-track for about five months a year. All things considered, I have a lot of time to spend on getting better at this sort of thing, and yet I still have so far to go. It’s torturous. But I have to believe that the sacrifice will bring benefits. Self-discipline, if nothing else. It takes a lot of intrinsic motivation to do this, after all.


The different goals

Sometimes it occurs to me how people vary in the goals they set. For instance, the one might set a goal along the lines of, “get a book published.” Whereas mine sounds more like, “Actually come up with a story, and write it.” And some will challenge themselves to become skilled enough in their craft that they can make a fair increase in their Etsy store. My hope: to create artwork that I don’t get ashamed of within a few days of having it as my desktop wallpaper. Oh, and having a few sales on Zazzle would be nice. Better if it was not sold to myself or a family member.

It would be nice to think that my skills could one day be marketable. But I think I have family members who believe it of me more than I do myself. Right now, I’d be satisfied just to come up with a story, or create artwork that I don’t have to shudder at a year later. But I do also want my work to be useful. Surely there are ways. If I got good at movie making, maybe I could create book-trailers for my Mom’s e-book store once she has it set up. But it doesn’t seem likely to happen- I’m not as in to movie-making as I am with other things. There are so many elements that go into a movie as it is not even funny- video clips, music, scripting, cinematography, how does one keep track of all of that and get good at it?

So my first and foremost goal is to get good at something- probably art. As for creative writing, I haven’t even got a story- so I can’t go so far as to actually try to be good at writing. A story must exist first, and I have such hard time with those. But I like to think that I’ve made some progress in the last… oh, four years that I’ve been dabbing into it.

Just give me another twenty more years of my life, then maybe I’ll have something.

Talents and regret

I considered briefly not going to devotional. I didn’t think about it very hard, but it was a question of whether or not I would get my homework done in time. I did get it done in time, but the problem with writing assignments is that it seems like it could always do with another revision. It wasn’t as wonderful as I would have liked it, but I probably wouldn’t be able to get it to be much better in that hour I would have spent at devotional.

And I’m so glad I did, because I saw my friend from Ballroom Dance class last year. Just to let you know, I do believe in coincidences but I think that they are very rare. I don’t think this was a coincidence. I think Providence takes a hand, even with small things like this. I mean, it’s not like my life was changed just because I was able to see this old friend, but it was wonderful anyway and a nice blessing.

She asked to see my new artwork. Thankfully, I had my clipboard with some of the images I did over the break. And to hear her get excited about my work… it’s lovely, because my past art has already passed out of my mind, but it was brought back with her now able to see it. She even noted that I had improved since last year. And it struck me once again how I keep improving. I keep getting better. Do you realize how exciting that is?

If I stop doing art, I won’t keep improving. If I don’t keep at it, I’m going to lose this talent. I don’t want to lose this talent- not when I’ve gotten so far. I know there is regret when you fail to work on a talent and you become rusty. I have a friend who has an incredibly gorgeous tenor voice. And he was trained in voice at a collage level for two years before coming here. Sometimes he sings for me, but afterwards he will say he is not as good as he used to be because he hasn’t practiced in so long. What’s sad is that I can hear it. Just slightly, but I can hear that it’s a little rough around the edges, even though he still has such a beautiful singing voice. In fact, I never realized how a person can respond so well to singing before I heard him. Who knew the human voice could have such an impact? I didn’t. It really makes a difference when your up close to someone when they sing.

I don’t want to lose my artistic ability, but I wish I knew what I was supposed to do with it. We should use our talents to benefit others, after all. Like the way my friend sang and how it made me happy. I just wish I knew how my art is supposed to benefit others.

Career exploration

I am currently working on my internship/career/resume assignment. So far it is, as I suspected, not as bad as it seems in my mind. Still, I intend to take benchmark breaks, and this is one of them. So far the most interesting career I’ve found after taking the assessments and whatnot, is a Recreational Worker.

Career exploration is one of those things that is out of my comfort zone. It just doesn’t seem right, you know? I want to be a stay-at-home Mom, that seems right. Now, I don’t think I’d mind too much doing something on the side, like doing volunteer work (if I ever found out how to go about it) or having a small occupation- but first and foremost I want to be a stay-at-home Mom. All the things I’m learning in school, my hope is that they will help me with that.

And they should. They’ve been informative, useful classes. I trust that in time they will serve a practical purpose. I’m something of a pragmatist. (See? Philosophy class has already been useful- that’s where I learned about pragmatist).

You know, I almost find it funny in a bitter sort of way when people think they have a good idea of what I’ll be in the future when really they have no clue. I respect these people, but sometimes they don’t know me enough. Like the one who thought I would go into Chemistry. She had a good reason to believe this. I took Chemistry I and II in High School and enjoyed it. Most people don’t see a person who takes Chem II become a Humanities Major (you should have seen the look on my Chemistry teacher’s face when I told him). But it was kind of funny hearing her list of possible things people could do with Chemistry, like be a pharmacist, when I’m sitting there already sure I wasn’t going to take another chemistry class in my life.

Or the people who talk about me writing Children’s Books. I’m not saying it couldn’t or won’t happen- but I don’t like it being assumed of me that I can. It had never been a goal of mine, you see. And it was a breath of fresh air when my D&D friend said he didn’t think it was my style. He didn’t come up with anything that he thought I would do either. I think he knows he doesn’t know me well enough to make that call.

The ones who do know me well, like my brother, seem to have no problem with me being a stay-at-home Mom. Though I suspect my brother also thinks there is a possibility of me finding some way to make a small amount of money on the side.

It could happen. I don’t know. I’ll certainly see what I can do. In fact, I think it would be nice if I did find something. I would like to use my talents in some capacity or another, and who’s to say I can’t?

New horizons

Today I spent the morning doing some movie making, trying to put together a funny video. My sister and I tried doing this years ago, it turns out it’s hard to be funny sometimes. But I had an idea, and I decided to see if I could make it. If I get enough ideas like that, maybe I could come up with something.

Besides, I’ve been trying to do all of my computer work while the siblings are at school. My sister uses my laptop a lot to write her story. I figure, I can still do artwork while she’s on my computer. So the things I need my computer for, like movie making, should be done while the kids are at school.

Speaking of artwork, I’ve been looking into ‘negative painting’ a little more. I think I want to try it sometime soon. My goodness, there’s so much to learn. That’s why I’ve recently come to view art as an exploration. In multiple ways. I mean, you’re finding out what you can bring out of yourself, and you are also finding different mediums and techniques with which to express that…. inner-ness.

I hope that eventually all this… exploration and trying to broaden my horizons in the realm of art and otherwise… will lead to something. That I can… do things with what I learn. But that’s what the annoying thing is, you can never tell. People like to think they have their futures planned out, but that rarely does much good- does it? So I have to just learn what I can and have faith that it will all work out. I’ve never been especially good at that, which is why I get anxious and worry that I’m wasting my time and not doing anything that will ultimately be useful.



Acknowledgement :)

Well, I feel like a bit of a nerd. Mostly because yesterday, I found a video on Youtube that I had been looking for. It was actually shown to me in my English class last year, and I really liked it. Sombody named Sir Ken Robinson talking about education and creativity. These are two things I can get fairly enthusiastic about, so it was nice to be able to watch it again. And then, just because technology is so amazing, I could look at other videos of him giving lectures or speeches or whatever you would like to call them. I also found some videos of other intelligent people talking about things like creativity and motivation and other such stuff. It was really great.  So that was wonderful, I could just listen to all of it, learn a few things, and it made me want to do things, you know.

One of the things that was nice to hear from Sir Ken Robinson was that he was talking about was how everybody is deeply talented and talented in a unique way. But people don’t know their talents, some aren’t even aware that they had any- and to the degree that they don’t know their talents they can’t develop them. His point was that this is a problem, and the educational system isn’t doing anything to help when it can. But for me it was just nice to hear… acknowledgement I guess. Because I’ve been struggling with knowing what my talents are (yes, art- but other than that as well) and what I’m supposed to do with them and how I’m supposed to develop them, and it’s nice to know that somebody is aware of this difficulty and treats it like it really is a problem. So because of that, I’m more eager to explore my possibilities and creative potential, find out what I can do.

I’m actually wondering if I’m kind of in the mood for watercolor. I’d have to do some cleaning up if I want to do that. Collect all of my scattered colored pencils and all that. There is no longer an urgency to do calendar images, though I’m fine with coming up with ideas for those as well. I’ll see what I can do.

Oh yeah, and I need to make bananna bread.

And now, for the sake of color, another picture from our Thanskgiving Hike. That’s my parents in the distance there. They weren’t posing or anything, I just snuck a picture of them.

Okay, following up what I was saying earlier. I have made the bananna bread. I’ve also worked a little bit with my watercolors, mostly just playing around with them, seeing what I could do before planning out an actual image. What I’ve discovered, or rediscovered, is that watercolors are really great for backgrounds. Like one of my images is a really nice salt-glazed… atmosphere? it isn’t really anthing but color and texture. So I’m sitting here going “…. this is pretty, but what am I going to do with it. It needs something on top, something for the foreground.” Two difficulties arise with this. One is I don’t know what is to go on the foreground, the other is I’m worried I’ll ruin what I’ve done before. That second one is particularly one I encounter in this sort of hobby, but I’ll have to move past it eventually.